Just a Few Things that Tony Stark Is Not Allowed To Do
by Riverofwind25
Summary: Just some explanations for a few things that have been forbidden for our favorite billionaire. A companion fic to "40 Things That Tony Stark Is Not Allowed To Do". Thundershield, ScienceBoyfriends and a bit of Clintasha in the future.
1. 24, 19, 18, and 40

24. (When a horse appears on TV, ask Loki if it's his type.) Loki plunked himself down on the couch. He and Tony were the only ones in the living room. There was an old western movie playing on the flat-screen TV. Tony focused on the film for a moment, then turned to the dark-haired god.

"So," He said, pointing to a particular horse running across the screen, "Do you like bays..." He pointed to another horse. "Or are pintos more your type?"

To Tony, the expression on Loki's face was worth the black eye he received about two seconds later.

19.(Have sex with Bruce in the kitchen.) "Oh my god!" The glass that had been in Steve's hand fell to the floor, shattering on the tile. Bruce had his back against the refrigerator, legs wrapped around Tony's waist. The billionaire's pants were around his ankles, and Bruce's were on the floor, along with several magnets and pictures that had been on the fridge.

Steve opened his mouth, but no words came out. He settled for quickly backing out of the room.

"Get back here and clean up this glass, you little star-spangled prude!"

18. (Braid daisies into Thor's hair while he's sleeping.) Thor rubbed his eyes. He'd fallen asleep watching cartoons the previous walked to the gym, where his team mates had already begun training. As the god entered the room, a grin spread across Tony's face, and Clint started coughing very strangely. Bruce and Natasha were both trying to hide smiles. Steve, for some reason, looked sympathetic.

"What's so amusing, friends?" Natasha strode over, guiding him to a mirror. Woven into his blond hair were several white-petaled flowers. Thor turned to the only person who would've done it.

"_Tony_!"

40.(Attempt to ward off paparazzi with a crucifix.) Steve squeezed Thor's hand tighter. The paparazzi were surrounding the two blonds and their friends. They had decided to join Clint and Tony for grocery shopping.

Clint made a rude gesture with one finger at a group of photographers. Several cameras seemed to go off at once.

The picture would look lovely in the tabloids.

Thor glared at a very persistent young man who was clutching a pen and notepad, causing him to quail.

Tony...Had pulled a wooden crucifix from his jacket, and was waving it at the crowd. "Go away! Back, you damn demon spawn!"

Steve decided that now was a very good time to leave. He grabbed Tony's shoulder, pulling him across the parking lot and towards the waiting car. "Why do you even have that?" The soldier hissed, as they made their escape. "You don't even believe in God!"

"I thought it might come in handy."

Steve could only sigh, with Thor rubbing his shoulder in sympathy, as the car went screeching down the road...With Tony still waving the crucifix out the window.


	2. 20, 21, 16, 29, 27, and 9

20. (Have sex with Bruce on the couch.) Steve's jar nearly hit the floor, as he took in the sight of the naked men on the sofa. Tony reached down, pulling up a blanket to cover himself, and Bruce's face reddened, as he tried to apologize.

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes and heaving a sigh of frustration. "Really? On our _couch_? This is getting old."

21.(Have sex with Bruce in any place frequented by the other Avengers.) "Why does this keep _happening_ to me?!" Steve practically wailed, as he and Thor walked in to find Bruce riding Tony on the soldier's favorite weight bench.

16. (Bring up the Club Incident.) "I still can't believe you got me kicked out of the club-"

"_Tony_."

"What were you thinking, giving Thor a handj-"

"_Will you just drop it already_?!"

"I can never go back there again!"

"It wouldn't have happened if you hadn't convinced Thor to wear leather pants!" There was silence for a moment.

"...Let's pretend I never said that."

"Can do."

29. (Carry a spray bottle, and spritz Thor and Steve when they get handsy in public.) Steve smiled, as one of Thor's arms slipped around his waist. The soldier tilted his head up, and Thor's lips pressed against his own, stubble lightly scraping the shorter blond's chin. The god pulled him closer, one hand moving down to Steve's- The moment was ruined by a spray of cold water hitting his face. He turned to the culprit, indignation written all over his features.

"What the hell, Stark?!"

"The press is onto us, Spangles. I thought you'd be more concerned about it."

"That gives you no right to try and prevent us showing our affection for one another, Tony."

"You'll be thanking me for this one day, Point Break. Do you want me to stand by while another Club Incident happens?"

"Yes."

"If you had done that to a couple on Asgard, you would already be donning a set of bruises."

"Can we go to Asgard, then?" Steve asked hopefully.

27. (Give Clint fuzzy handcuffs for his birthday.) Clint eagerly tore away the paper on the last package. This one was from Tony. The team was waiting in anticipation, since the billionaire had given no hint of what his present would be.

Clint opened the box, and pulled out...A pair of fuzzy handcuffs. The archer could only gape, while his team mates looked at Tony in disbelief.

"What? They're purple, doesn't Legolas like purple things? Stop looking at me like that...I'll go get the receipt.."

9. (Send everybody invitations to an orgy in the briefing room.) Natasha's eyebrows creased together, as she opened the bright red envelope. What could it possibly be... The red-head braced herself, as she pulled out a small piece of parchment.

_You Are Cordially Invited To:_

_An Orgy _

_Place: Main Briefing Room_

_Time: 7:30 P.M, May 23_

_Save the date!_

"You know what?" Natasha said aloud, though she was alone in the room. "I'm not even surprised anymore."


	3. 25, 24, 18, 11, and 19

25. (Grope Bruce under the table during a briefing.) "Rogers and Thor will enter through here-"

Fury was interrupted by a gasp from the other side of the table. He fixed a glare on Bruce. "Do you have an objection, Banner?"

"N-no." The eye-patch clad man looked skeptical, but returned to the subject.

"As I was saying..." He focused his gaze on Thor and Steve. "You two will go in first, once you've reached this point-" He tapped a spot on the board. "You will call in Stark and Banner, and they will come from the south side-"

"Oh!" Bruce's face flared, and he shifted in his seat, while Tony took on an expression of innocence.

"Is there a problem?"

"No." Nick took a deep breath, and exhaled with a small huff, before continuing his sentence.

"The two of you are to clear the way for Barton and Romanoff, so they can-" A loud, and definitely sexual, moan came from the resident scientist, interrupting Fury for a third time. A smirk flashed across Tony's features before being replaced with an un-impressive poker face.

"Do you find battle plans arousing, Doctor?"

"I-"

"Actually, the real question is...Stark, do you respect me enough to pry your hands away from your boyfriend's crotch for one damn hour?"

The billionaire's face fell. Well, that was fun while it lasted.

And that's why Tony Stark has to keep his hands on the table during briefings.

24. (Sing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" when Natasha is around.) "The itsy bitsy spider came up the water spout.." Natasha hadn't gotten much sleep the previous night, and was in no mood to handle Tony's bullshit.

She grabbed the philanthropist by the shoulder, hissing into his ear. "If you sing that again, I'll go put my boots on, then shove my foot so far up your ass, you'll taste leather."

Tony had enough sense to look scared.

18. (Have sex with Bruce in Thor's bed.) "_YOU WILL CEASE YOUR FORNICATING AT ONCE, OR I SWEAR UPON MY FATHER'S NAME THAT I WILL_-"

"We're getting out, I didn't mean for this to happen when we came in-Oh shit, put the hammer down!"

11. (Ask Steve questions about Thor's "Mjolnir".) Tony strode into the kitchen, intent on a Nutella sandwich. "Morning, Tony." Steve was already in the kitchen, fruit laid out on a cutting board. Now was as a good a time as any...Ah, how he loved embarrassing Captain Purity..Well, Cap wasn't so pure anymore, but Tony was never going to stop thinking of him as that.

"I gotta ask you something about Thor."

"What is it?" Steve continued chopping fruit, oblivious of the threat to his morning tranquility.

"How big is he?"

_"Excuse me_?" Steve's face almost matched the strawberries he'd just sliced into.

"You know..his _hammer_. How many inches is the Mjolnir in his pants?"

Tony didn't expect the orange that was hurled full-force into his crotch.

19. (Have sex with Bruce in Natasha's bed.) "You fucked Bruce in Steve and Thor's bed? What were you _thinking_?"

"It seemed hot at the time. Get off my back about it."

"The boot-up-your-ass applies to your naked body in my bed, too."

"I know."

"Good. Because I was being _serious_ when I said that."

Natasha loved the rare expression of fear on Stark's face.


End file.
